


...but I love him first

by shinru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Crossdressing, How Do I Tag, I don't have any idea how tags work but ok, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, crossdressing Akaashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:41:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25768354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinru/pseuds/shinru
Summary: What can love do to a person?To Akaashi, it made him desperate.He turned into someone that he wasn't supposed to.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	...but I love him first

**Author's Note:**

> I've posted this on bkak week but I didn't shared the link in Twitter since I said I won't post angst during that week but my hands slipped. ヽ(；▽；)ノ

_Love is dangerous._

“Keiji, I will be going to an omiai!” Her sister, Keiko, told him, the excitement was very visible to her face. They almost looked identical but her cheerfulness and outgoing personality tell them apart. 

Akaashi looked up from his computer. “I’m happy for you,” he said. 

She pouted. “Geez, be a little happier for me.”

Akaashi shook his head but he was smiling. “I’m happy for you, onee-san.”

She ruffled Akaashi’s hair. “Stop working for a while and I’ll show you who it is! You’ll be surprised!”

He watched as she ran off and immediately came back while holding her phone. She showed the screen to him and he felt his stomach turning upside-down. He swallowed thickly, his lips trembling. He clasped his hands to stop it from shaking.

“B-bokuto-san?” He looked up to his sister. 

She beamed. “Yes!” She put her phone inside her pocket. “I was surprised too at first until mom told me that she’ll send me to an omiai. When I found out it's Bokuto, I accepted because we knew him for a while now and he’s a good man.”

Akaashi didn’t say anything. He felt like the world came crashing down on him. 

_But I love him first,_ he wanted to say but the words died down in his throat.

He felt his phone vibrating from his own pocket. He took it and his whole body went cold when he saw the same name on his screen. 

“I’ll have to take this,” he said and went out of his room. “Bokuto-san.”

“ ‘Kaashi!” Akaashi heard the excitement from his voice. “Listen, I’ll go to an omiai with your sister!”

Akaashi bit his lower lip to stop it from trembling. He took a huge breath and slowly released it to calm himself down. “T-that’s great. When will you go?”

“This weekend!” he answered. “We have practice the entire weekdays so my only free time is the weekend.”

Akaashi hummed in response. “I...hope for the best for you two.”

“Thanks, ‘Kaashi!”

Akaashi dropped the call. He leaned his back on the wall and pressed his phone on his forehead. He closed his eyes and the tears he was holding back finally fell.

_Why does it have to be my sister?_

_Love...is really dangerous._

“Nee-san, Bokuto said he couldn’t go,” he said, staring at his sister.

“Really?!” She pouted. “Ah, that sucks. I’ll just text him and--”

“I’ll tell him. You need to go on a business trip for two weeks right?”

She frowned. “Yeah, what a waste!” She sat on the couch. “Please tell him, Keiji. We can push the omiai when I get back.”

“Got it.”

_Love can turn you into someone that you yourself can’t even recognize._

Akaashi stared at the mirror, wearing a salmon pink dress embellished with stars. The chest down to its sleeves was see-through while the dress flowed down above his knees. The color of the dress made his teal eyes and raven hair stood out. His lips were glossy from the lipstick and his eyelashes curled. He looked like _Keiko._

He took a small white shoulder bag and left.

His heart was beating so fast while waiting inside the coffee shop where Keiko and Bokuto were supposed to meet.

The bell chimed and when he looked up, he saw Bokuto’s bright smile that used to make his heart beat faster but now his heart just hurts.

“Hi,” Bokuto greeted and sat across him. “Did you wait long?” He scratched the back of his head, a blush visible on his face.

Akaashi shook his head. “No, I just got here.” He thanked the heavens for his soft voice. He sounded like Keiko too.

“You look really pretty,” Bokuto said while looking straight into his eyes.

Akaashi’s breath hitched. He could feel his eyes watering so he took the glass of water and drank from it. “T-thank you.”

“I’m really glad that you accepted this arrangement,” Bokuto said. “I’ve...I’ve liked you since we were in high school. I used to come over a lot because of Akaashi and I fell for you during those times.”

Another blow hit Akaashi’s heart.

He smiled. “What do you like about me, Bokuto?” He put his hand together, put it on his lap, and intertwined his fingers. It won’t stop shaking.

“The first time I saw you, you really took my breath away.” Bokuto chuckled. “You’re kind, cheerful, and strong. I love how you became Akaashi’s emotional support. I love how you pick your family up during bad times. You’re really amazing, Keiko.”

It was a blow after blow but Akaashi asked for it. All he could do was listen and kept his tears at bay. 

“Keiko, are you okay? Did I say too much?”

Akaashi shook his head. “I-I’m fine. I’m just really happy, Bokuto.”

Bokuto smiled in relief. “Ah, thank God. I thought I freaked you out.”

They decided to go out after spending some time in the coffee shop. They passed by an onigiri booth and Akaashi stopped. He almost forgot that Bokuto was with him when he saw the rice balls neatly stacked on the glass shelves.

“Do...you want one?”

Akaashi looked at Bokuto. “Uhh, yeah. I’ll buy one.” He bought one onigiri and ate it while they were walking until a realization suddenly hit him. Keiko doesn’t eat onigiri. 

_It’s impossible that Bokuto knows about it tho,_ Akaashi thought. Although he was still nervous about it, he pushed it at the back of his mind and focused on the matter at hand.

“Keiko, what about you? Why did you accept this arrangement?”

Akaashi smiled. “Because I like you, Bokuto.” _-san…_

They continued seeing each other even on weekdays and as the days passed by, Akaashi’s guilt grew stronger. He knew that this was wrong. He knew that this would all come crashing down to him one day but seeing Bokuto look at him with love and affection in his eyes made him feel like he never wanted to stop.

_But the one he’s seeing is Keiko, not me._

He curled into a ball while laying down on his bed. All the lights were off. The room was cold but all he could feel was the sharp prickling on his chest.

“What will we do?”

Akaashi heard Keiko’s voice from outside.

“I don’t know.” 

His heart dropped when he heard Bokuto’s voice. He stood up and slowly walked towards the door. 

“So he dressed up as me?”

“Yeah.”

“You knew from the start, Bokuto. Why didn’t you tell him right away that you knew?”

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

Akaashi couldn’t breathe. He clutched his chest and dropped to the floor. Tears started to fall from his eyes. He gasped and a sob escaped from his lips. 

“K-Keiji?” He heard Keiko called.

Akaashi sobbed even harder. 

“Keiji, baby, open up.” Keiko knocked on the door.

Akaashi stood up. With trembling hands, he turned the knob and opened the door. Two set of eyes were looking at him with a surprised look on their faces.

He looked at Bokuto, his eyes getting blurry from the tears that he couldn’t see his face. “You knew from the start, Bokuto-san?”

“Akaashi, I’m sorry--”

“You’re probably laughing at me, huh?” He chuckled. Another batch of tears fell from his eyes. “I’m sorry I did a very stupid thing. I just...I just love you so much, Bokuto-san.”

Keiko put her hand on her mouth and cried while watching Akaashi break into pieces in front of her. Bokuto looked away, biting his lower lip.

“I’m sorry, Akaashi, I can’t--”

Akaashi smiled. “I know.” He wiped his tears away using the back of his hand. “I’ll...I’ll be happy for the both of you.”

_Love will teach you that not all things have happy endings._

Akaashi take a look at the message from his sister. He smiled sadly.

_Keiji, I won't ask you to attend our wedding but please come back. I'll be waiting._

He turned his head towards the window and saw the view from above. He took a deep breath and looked at his phone again before turning it to airplane mode. There was a message from Bokuto too but he didn't open it. The word "I'm sorry" was enough reason not to.

As he closed his eyes, a tear rolled down from his eye. 

_Congratulations, Bokuto-san._

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic here in AO3 and it's angst. SDSKDJSKD. I usually write bkak shorts in Twitter so you can check my profile out: [Shin](https://twitter.com/mimiru_shin)


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